Fantasy

I think I must have been told at some point that I lived in a fantasy and should stop expecting or hoping for such things.  Who knows if it was some teacher or peer or even my mother.  Heck, it could have been myself.  Somewhere several years ago, I decided to follow in my mother's and sisters' footsteps and become a teacher.  I did this for the practicality.  I did enjoy 'teaching' at the time, such as I knew it, and knew pretty well what I needed to do to get there.   [I still don't understand people who spend time, money, and effort going to college and have nothing to show for it at the end, but that's discussion for another time.]  I was passionate about many things then--music, singing, dance, tennis, French and visiting France someday.  So why did I choose the "easy", known route instead of shooting for the stars?  I may have ADHD or Asperger's in some respects; I always want to make plans and organize things and know exactly what is happening next.  Don't even get me started about how crazy I get if I don't know where, when, and what my next meal is. So maybe that is the main reason that I chose to do something that had already been done before in my family and something that came easy to me instead of paving the way through something unknown, and let's face it, exciting as show biz.  I still can't go to a Broadway show without wishing that I were them.  I spend the remainder of the evening and days afterward belting the music thinking that I sound just as good and could play the role even better.  I get sick to my stomach thinking about the life that could have been.
I reminisce in this way over my past choices amazed at where these choices have landed me.  If you would have told me years ago that I would be where I am today, well, let's not say anything cliche here, but I would have broken down crying.  I wouldn't have been able to believe all this. This I can't explain.

Here's the point:  I'm kind of in awe at my life right now.  My life is pretty rad.  I have two rabbits, one of which gets randomly pregnant, two dogs that love me to death with their cute little butts wagging like crazy when I come home from work, a husband who adores me and pushes me to be better, kinder, smarter, and more selfless, a comfortable lifestyle, a good job, great family, I mean the list could never truly reflect how great things feel to me.  I absolutely am happy.  I feel like I have hit a moment where I love living in the moment.  I feel successful and full of life.  Things are just fantastic.  How does one get to this point?  How do we get to the point of living our dream?  And I didn't even know that this would be my dream.  I have accomplished what I set out to accomplish.  

I'll try not to leave this bittersweet by thinking about when this will end and kids enter my life...